A Passion of Sorts
by Ferris Ulf
Summary: A reluctant Yami is given an impossible task: tutoring Bakura in math. The former tomb robber can't seem to focus at all. But does he have a point? Oneshot Not romance. Rating for language.


Greetings all! This is--obviously--Ferris Ulf! I've decided to create a story that's not rated M--seeing as how all my other ones are--in hopes of reeling in more fans. (smiles happily) Not that I'm unhappy with the readers I already have! (huggles) I love you guys!

I wrote this one-shot during my boring classes, needing a break from the other stories I'm currently writing. This one's just plain funny and cute. I wanted a break from all the angst and violence. It was getting to me. (readers: -.o)

As I've stated in my other stories, I post a poem at the beginning of each chappie of my stories that relates to it. This particular poem of mine is one of my all-time favs. It's about utter madness, like our dear yamis in this fic. (cackles)

**_Energy_**

_The puddle on the ceiling_

_Is dripping from the floor._

_The shadows of the sunshine_

_Cover more and more._

_The music of the silence_

_Is a loud and eerie tune._

_Soap bubbles filled with sand_

_Float gaily round the room._

_Muddy shoes leaving no footprints_

_On the squishy tile floor._

_Empty fishbowl full of water--_

_Realize that less is more._

**And now: A Passion of Sorts**

"Bakura!"

I grit my teeth, burying my face in my arms as I rest them on the desk in the bedroom that Ryou and I share. Perhaps he'll give up this time. No such luck, I can hear him prancing up the stairs.

"Bakura!" he calls merrily, now outside the door.

Count to ten…I'm on my own…fluffy cloud…

"Bakura!" he asks against in his light, sing-song voice as he peeks in.

"What Ryou?" I ask crossly, rubbing my eyes tiredly.

He pauses, chocolate brown eyes becoming curious.

"Are you still working on homework, yami?"

"Define 'working'," I smirk, fiddling with the pencil that's been lying untouched on the desk.

He frowns disapprovingly. "You've been up here for two hours! What on earth have you been doing?"

I lean back in the stiff, wooden chair, stretching my arms above my head. He folds his own arms over his chest. Oh boy, here cometh the chastising.

"Something more productive than this alcebra shit," I grumble, poking the edge of the un-open textbook disdainfully.

"_Algebra_, yami," he sighs, wandering over and opening the book's front cover.

"Whatever," I smirk rolling my eyes.

"You're going to fail the class, you know."

"And?"

He blinks. "What?"

"And?" I repeat.

"And what?"

"What?"

"Knock it off!" he exclaims in exasperation.

"What?" I ask innocently.

"_Bakura_," he growls, narrowing his eyes.

I smile. "Yes hikari?"

He sighs heavily, leaning on the corner of the desk, the math book in his pale hands. We're both white in skin, almost completely lacking pigment. Borderline albinos really. Yeesh. He uses his fingernail to pick at the corner of the cover that's beginning to peel.

"I'm thinking perhaps you just don't understand math," he finally states.

I roll my eyes. "No! You think?"

He gives me his meaningful glare that clearly states: _Don't test me._

"Well then, it's settled," he proclaims happily, standing up suddenly and skipping for the door.

I quickly jump up and block it before he can escape, eyeing him the whole time suspiciously.

"Bakura!"

"You're up to something," I hiss, folding my arms.

He's positively beaming and isn't even bothering to mask it. That's always a bad sign.

"So?" he smiles.

"Well?"

"Huh?"

"Don't play games with me, light," I growl dangerously.

"I have no idea what you mean, yami, to be quite frank," he states defiantly, brushing past me into the hallway.

"Fine! Be that way!" I call after him from the doorway. "I'll find out what you're up to!"

"No need."

I turn to see my lighter half has remained on the landing, a bright smile on his face. _Ooooh this can't be good. _My eyes widen when I notice the figure behind him.

"What the…!"

"Tomb robber," the pompous, spike-headed pharaoh nods stiffly.

"What's _he_ doing here, light?" I hiss, turning to my other half who's grinning from ear to ear.

"Yami here's been doing exceedingly well in mathematics as of late," Yugi beams, suddenly appearing beside them. I scowl, not liking where this is going. Yami apparently isn't too thrilled about the situation either, glowering beside the two hikaris.

"He's going to be your tutor," Ryou grins.

I frown. "I've no doubt the pharaoh can pass gas easily, however, why the devil would…"

"As in teaching you math, you moron," Yami growls, rolling his violet eyes.

I freeze. Oh hells no.

"Oh really?" I scowl, folding my arms and giving the other one of my signature death glares.

"Yes really," Yugi laughs, grabbing my light's arm. "Come along, Ryou."

"Now wait just a minute!" I snarl. "Where are you going?"

"Out. You two no doubt need a nice quiet studying atmosphere. We'll be back in two hours," Ryou waves, he and Yugi dashing down the stairs.

"Be good you guys!" Yugi calls right before the sound of the door.

Yami stands on the landing, a helpless look on his face. He's staring down the stairs like some wild, deranged antelope that's going to bolt at any given second. To my surprise, he sighs heavily, turning back to me.

"All right, tomb robber, let's get this over-with," he says glumly, coming up the final steps and striding toward me.

"Wha…you're actually planning on doing what they say?" I exclaim.

He frowns. "Yes."

I narrow my eyes. "Doesn't seem like you, pharaoh."

He rolls his eyes, pushing past me into the bedroom. Since when did I give him permission to come in here? _Dictators_… .

"Surprising," he states simply, glancing about. "No blood or severed limbs hanging about…Ryou keeping you under control then?"

I scowl, slumping down on the chair. "Oh shut it."

He smirks, striding over and picking up the math book. I lean back in the seat as he idly skims through the pages.

"All right, what chapter are you on?...Nine?" He turns the pages hurriedly, taking a moment to look over the material. "Okay, what question are you on?"

"One."

"Left?"

I snort. "No, the first number. Geez, and they say **_I_** have issues with math…"

"You…haven't started?" he exclaims.

I cast my eyes up heavenward. "Yes Pharaoh, I do believe I've already addressed this face twice now…"

"All right! All right!" Yami puts up his hands, rubbing his eyes. "Oooh Ra…"

"Oh quit the dramatics," I grumble.

"Fine. Let's get this over-with as quickly as possible," he mumbles, looking about. "Is there another chair?"

I smirk. "Oh you can kneel before me, Pharaoh. I won't mind."

He glares, spotting the chair in the corner and dragging it over.

"Why not just call it quits now?" I grin.

"NO!"

I quirk an eyebrow at this sudden, almost frantic outburst.

"You're very…tense…" I mumble, giving him a curious look.

He fidgets slightly, avoiding my eyes. I stare at him for a long moment. Suddenly a grin spreads across my face.

"So, what cards is he holding?"

He looks up in confusion. "Huh?"

"Yugi…no, don't tell me…let me guess," I smirk, closing my eyes momentarily for effect. "Blackmail, perhaps?"

He face turns bright red, fingers twitching slightly. I laugh, slapping the desk with my hand.

"No need to answer, Pharaoh. Your expression says it all," I grin.

He glowers. "Don't pretend you've never been in my position before."

I put up a hand, still chuckling. "Did I ever say such a thing? I could tell rather quickly, having seen that look in the mirror many times before."

"Why are they 'hikaris'? I swear they're more demonic than you, Malik, and I combined," Yami mutters.

I shrug. "They demonic but of a different type."

"But no less potent," he grumbles.

"Agreed."

We sit in silence for a few moments, pondering it all. Well, I'm assuming he is. I don't really know what he's thinking. Mind-reading's a power of the Millennium eye not the ring.

"All right, let's get started."

After half an hour he's gotten me through the first three questions. I guess teaching me math is more of a challenge than I originally assumed. Yessh. -.-;…Stretching, I stand up, my back cracking.

"What are you doing?" Yami yawns as I head for the door.

"Time for a break," I smirk, heading down the hall to the stairs.

"Get back here, you baka! We still have 27 problems to go!" I hear him yell behind me as I descend the steps.

"Relax Pharaoh, it's time for a snack," I grin, entering the kitchen and heading for the refrigerator.

He sighs heavily, leaning against the counter.

"Fine fine, just hurry up, will you? They're going to be back in an hour and a half. And seeing how much progress we've made so far, it's going to be close."

I frown, pulling out a carton of fudge ice cream.

"Easy now. Live a little, pharaoh."

I hold out a spoon to him, plopping down the carton on the table. He accepts, both of us digging in.

"So…" I say with a mouthful of fudgy goodness. "It's that bad, eh?"

"Hmm?" he grunts.

"The blackmail," I say after swallowing. "What's Yugi got on you?"

He glowers, his spoon diving back into the carton. "That's really none of your business."

I grin, getting myself another spoonful of ice cream. "Fine fine…So, how'd you become such a know-it-all?"

"Eh?"

"In math," I say before stuffing my mouth.

"Oh." He swallows. "I dunno. It just seems to come naturally to me."

I scowl. "Blessed by the gods even in the future."

He smiles, shaking his head. "You've always assumed that about me, haven't you?"

"Why do they make us do it, do you think?" I mumble, licking the melting liquid and excess fudge on the back of my spoon.

"The gods?"

"The teachers."

"Huh?"

"The teachers…at school," I grumble.

"You've lost me."

"_Math_," I sigh in exasperation.

"Ah."

"Seriously though, what's the point? I mean, basic math can be applied to life, but now it's just getting ridiculous."

He furrows his brow. "Well…perhaps if you want to design a building…"

"Nope."

"Doctoring could always…"

"As if!"

"Business…"

"Yami, I'm a _thief_! What the hell am I going to use all this crap for?"

"Why are you even in school if…?"

"Blackmail," I smile humorlessly.

"Ryou?"

"Oh yes."

He winces. "Yeah."

We sit there in silence for a moment, stuffing our faces absentmindedly. My eyes widen when my spoon clunks on the empty bottom of the carton.

"Damn it!" I growl, throwing my spoon down in aggravation.

Yami sighs heavily, leaning back.

"I suppose we should get back to studying."

I nod somberly. "True."

Neither of us moves. There's the sound of a lawnmower coming from nearby. I tap my fingers on the table top. Yami twiddles his thumbs, leaning over and glancing into the bowels of the empty ice cream carton.

"It's all strange. I have really no idea what I'm going to do with my life in these modern times," Yami says suddenly. "I mean, my passion in life is dueling. You like to…well…steal stuff. And judging by your experience I think it's safe to say you could survive quite nicely doing so. I could do professional dueling…what do you think?"

"They used to put eggs in it, you know," I state.

"…"

"Ice cream," I continue, noting his blank look.

He frowns. "No. That can't be right."

"Raw eggs," I add, nodding confidently.

He shakes his head. "You're lying."

I lean back, a self-assured smirk on my face.

"No. It's true. We have an old ice cream maker in the basement."

He scowls. "That doesn't mean they put raw eggs in it."

"I found a recipe," I add, a gleam in my eyes.

He quirks an eyebrow, interested now.

"Let me see."

* * *

"You're sure this is healthy?" Yami huffs as he turns the crank on the side of the machine, beads of sweat already lining his forehead.

"Think of it this way: you're burning the calories that you'll be gaining once we've actually eaten the ice cream," I grin, taking a chug of ice water, having already done my share of turning the mixture.

"True," he pants. "Bakura, just how long is this going to take before it becomes ice cream?"

I frown, checking the recipe. "Anywhere from half and hour to an hour…"

"An hour!" he exclaims, halting.

"Don't stop!" I shout, racing over and cranking it myself.

"We need help. I'm already sore," Yami heaves.

I frown, my own arms throbbing in protest. It's obvious we can't do this by ourselves. But who…?

* * *

"Yami! Bakura! We're back!" Ryou calls upon entering the house.

"In the kitchen!" I reply happily.

A moment later he and Yugi appear in the doorway, eyes bulging when they spot us.

"Bakura! What the hell?" Ryou exclaims.

We all freeze. Marik is in the process of scooping another bowlful of ice cream for himself; Malik is currently squeezing caramel over his own bowl; Yami's just stuffed his mouth full, eyes widening when he spots the two hikaris; I grin, licking my spoon.

"You're right! You can't really taste the eggs in this stuff!" Malik announces happily.

Ryou blinks. "You…made ice cream?"

I smile. Marik grins contentedly, licking his fingers.

"What about the math homework?" Yugi questions.

Yami and I stiffen, glancing at one another with panicked eyes. Oh shit.

* * *

I sit glumly at my desk in the bedroom the next day, folding a piece of paper as many times as I can then unfolding it and starting over again. The hikaris had been "very disappointed" as Ryou put it. They'd made us clean up the kitchen and then shooed Marik and Malik away, chastising Yami and I for not doing the math. I scowl, crumpling the paper in my fist.

"My my, someone looks grumpy today."

I turn to see Yami standing in the doorway, hands on his hips. He has an amused gleam in his violet eyes.

"Oh shut up," I grumble, chucking the paper wad across the room at him. He grins, dodging it with ease, striding over and sitting down next to me.

"So, I'm supposed to tutor you again today," he states simply.

I sigh. "What's the point? I've absolutely no desire to…"

"What about Ryou?" Yami questions, features laced with curiosity.

I smirk almost sadly. "Can't stay under his ties forever."

"And the blackmail?"

I wince. "Yeah, that's what's holding me back."

He shakes his head, chuckling softly. "So what's the plan then?"

I frown. "Dunno."

He smirks. "Well, I have to tutor you whether we like it or not."

I nod dejectedly, pulling out my math book. Yami snorts, a smile on his face when he spots it. In frustration last night I took the liberty of writing vulgar words in ancient hieroglyphs all over the cover in bright red pen.

"Nice."

"Thank you," I grin, my sharp canines flashing.

He smiles. "All right, let's get started."

Yami tries for some time to get me to understand the basic principles of the chapter for around forty-five minutes. Yeah, like _that's_ gonna work. All the while I start making paper figures: camels, lions, Malik…whatever comes to my extremely bored mind.

"Bakura, you're not paying attention," Yami chides sternly, tapping the page with his pencil for emphasis.

"It's so **_boring_**!" I whine, adding the finishing touches to my rhinoceros.

He sighs, banging the book against his forehead in frustration. I snicker, standing up and wandering over to the bed and pulling back the curtains, the afternoon sunlight streaming in.

"Damn it! They're back!" I yell angrily, banging my fist on a pillow.

"Who?" Yami asks, rising and coming over, kneeling beside me on the bed. "Ah."

There are wasps swarming about right outside the glass. Near the edge of the base there's the nest, gray and gunky-looking. Yami suddenly smirks deviously, banging his fist against the window so the glass vibrates. A cloud of the little monsters is suddenly swarming about in a mad fury, a constant droning noise filling the air.

"Ryou used some spray or something last week that supposedly killed them…but there are even more than before now!" I rant, cursing the annoying, evil insects.

"Perhaps he used the wrong bottle," Yami mumbles as we continue to stare at the demonic bugs zipping about madly. "Well, we'd better get back to…oh fuck it! There's no point! Let's go make ice cream!" he cheers suddenly.

I blink. "Huh?"

"Ice cream! Now!" he laughs at my expression.

I glare. "Ryou hid the machine."

His face falls. "No!"

I smile humorlessly. "Oh yes."

"Damn hikaris and their evil ways!" he all but sobs, giving the window another bang which further infuriates the wasps that are now on a rampage.

"Fire bombs are supposed to work," I mumble.

"Bakura, we can't attack our lights with fire bombs!"

I roll my eyes. "The wasps, you twit! I saw it in an old book in Ryou's father's study. You can make home-made fire bombs to kill off the wasps."

That same interested look as before appears on the monarch's face.

"Where's this book? Let me see!"

* * *

Ryou and Yugi sit in the kitchen happily playing cards. There were no loud noises or fighting coming from upstairs, much to their relief.

"It looks like they've finally decided to study quietly," Yugi laughs happily, laying down a card.

Ryou nods. "It's about time too. I must say, I was worried after yesterday. I was afraid Bakura's bad habits of going off to discover strange activities instead of doing his homework had rubbed off on Yami."

Yugi smiles. "Don't worry. Yami won't let his head wander again. He's responsible."

The shorter hikari had barely finished this sentence before there was a panic-stricken shout from upstairs and the sounds of something being banged against.

"**They're getting in! Shut the fucking window**!" they heard Bakura's voice scream.

"**The bed! It's**…!"

They could catch what Yami was about to say, the blaring sound of the smoke alarm beeping. Both hikaris dashed for the stairs.

* * *

"My bed! Look at this room, Bakura!" Ryou shouts angrily at me as we stand amidst the war-zone.

We'd opened the window a crack in order to get the firebomb next to the nest, but the bees had decided it was the perfect time to come in. Not to mention the bed caught on fire. Yami and I both hang our heads, apologizing profusely.

"All right you two, no more studying math together, do I make myself clear?" Yugi sighs, running his hand through his hair.

"But hikari, what about…?" Yami begins.

"Never again!" Yugi rants as he and Ryou head for the door.

"Clean this up instead you two. You can do that without getting into trouble?" Ryou asks tersely. We both nod solemnly. The hikaris leave.

Yami turns to me, a giddy grin on his face. "Did you hear that? We're free!"

I roll my eyes, motioning to the mess. "Does this look like freedom to you, Pharaoh?"

He smiles meekly. "All right, so putting the extra bombs on the bed was a bad idea…"

I snort, but can't hold back my smile as we begin to pick up the rubble. Most of it's just charred sheets and papers. It's a good thing Yami won't be tutoring me in math anymore. I threw the book in the fire. Heh.

"I must admit, tutoring you has been far more…_interesting_ than I thought possible," Yami chuckles.

I grin. "Ditto. It was actually semi-fun…well, the parts where we weren't actually working on the math," I add with a wink.

He laughs. "True. It's a shame really it has to end."

I nod, staring down at the floor. It really is too bad. I was actually almost starting to _like_ him as a friend. Almost.

"I suppose this is it then?" he continues softly. "No more experiments…"

I smirk. "What, you've never done anything like that before?"

He grins. "No. Can't say that I have."

I frown. "What a waste."

We continue picking up the junk in silence for a while. It is a shame. To think he just does whatever Yugi tells him to.

"You're an interesting individual, Bakura," Yami states. "I mean, you're incredibly curious, almost to an unhealthy level; not afraid to take risks to figure things out…"

I grin. "It's the better way to learn in life, I think. I mean come on, which would you rather do: read what someone else has discovered from some musty textbook or figure something out for yourself?"

Another moment of silence. Yami picks up a handful of burned something only to drop it. I watch as he sighs in aggravation, reaching down for it again.

"It all falls at the same rate, you know," I state.

He looks up. "Huh?"

"Objects. If you dropped different objects off a building they all hit the ground around the same time," I explain.

He frowns. "You're bluffing."

"S'true. Like this pencil and…and…this desk," I point. "Drop 'em from a good distance and they'll land approximately the same time."

"That can't be right."

"Saw it on tv once. Some guy dropped tons of stuff from some tower of pizza."

"Pizza?" he blinks.

I nod. "Leaning tower of pizza."

"I don't think there is such a thing. You can't make a tower of pizza! It'd collapse."

"It's already _leaning_," I reply in exasperation.

"It's not possible."

I glare. "Yes it is!"

"I don't think so."

"Have you tried it?"

"Making a tower of pizza?"

"No. Dropping a desk and pencil out a window. Have you tried it?"

We stare at one another in silence for a moment, glancing first at the desk then at the writing utensil in my hand.

"You know…I've been having some trouble in history class," Yami mumbles after minute, eyes holding a mischievous gleam.

A smirk forms on my face when I catch the look.

"Need a tutor?"

* * *

(cackles) Oh yes! I enjoyed writing that immensely. Can anyone guess what my least favorite subject is? (beams happily)

So, I'm hoping to aquire some more readers that might be interested in my other stories (which are full of humor, violence, and cursing) Heh. **Screams of Shadows** has cursing and violence. the**Cry of the Wicked**is not for the squeemish. (the later chappies, anyways.) It's actually quite amusing for the first half of the story...then Malik comes...(need I say more?) I didn't think so.

Anyhoo, I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of responses this little ficcie gets! I accept criticism. No flaming please. (I'll just hate you) Not that you care what I think. (rolls eyes) But yeah, until later!

Review!


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